First OC

[Pere Sabaku]

Name: Pere Sabaku
Bloodlimit: Sadojin
Height: 5 ft 6 in
Weight: 205 lbs
Age: 14
Gender: male
Alignment: neutral, chaotic
Birth Country: Wind
Village: Sunagakure
Releases:

Special:

Weapons:

Primary Weapon:

Secondary Items:

Non-Weapon Items

Character Depth

Personality:

Appearance:

Background:

[|Ayame Unbound|]

I suggest you read this thread as well as this thread and then make some edits because you are missing some key things. Also take a look at our indexes for acceptable blood limits and the like.

[Pere Sabaku]

Techniques

[/u], "B"
Skill: Ninjutsu
Effect: Allows the user to control and shape their body as they please.
Special: ---
Drawback: User can only make shapes and such up to their bodily size.
Description: User gains the ability to change their body and transform its shape as they see fit. User has a set amount of sand within their body they cannot have more then a set number, allowing them to have a human shape and form. They have mastered the shape and form so well, it allows them to make contours so that they not only appear to have skin and cloths, but it feels that very as well. They may also use it to regenerate lost limbs with either another sand source, of sand from the lost limb. This form at "C" Rank is always active, otherwise they would be nothing more then a pile of sand. They have been able to do this for so long however, the "C" Rank form of this technique only takes an "E"Rank amount of chakra per day. Thus, allowing them to keep this form forever. This technique also allows the user to perform some Sand techniques directly from their body. The "B"Rank Form of this technique simply allows them to take form of more advanced things. For example, a pile of sand, a giant arm, Drill, or whatever they can imagine, so long as the object does not go over their sand capacity.
Limit: Must be a Sadojin, Sand Release.

Suna Sensu: Suna Kyuuchaku (Sand Style: Sand Absorbtion)
Rank: "C", "B", "A"
Skill: Ninjutsu
Effect: Allows the user the knowledge to absorb extra sand to their body.
Special: ---
Drawback: If the user does not have enough sand within them, they will form without limbs and look deformed.
Description: The user focuses chakra into a sand source whether from soil conversation or from a gourd, and begins to add that sand to their own bodily sand to increase their body mass. This is useful for storing sand within to be used for other sand techniques if the user so wishes, however with this, the body's size also increases as well.

"C" Rank: Grows 2 extra feet, stores enough sand for one C rank technique
"B" Rank: Grows 5 extra feet, stores enough sand for one B rank technique
"A" Rank: Grows 10 extra feet, stores enough sand for one A rank technique

Limit: Must be Sadojin

Suna Sensu: Suna Taisha (Sand Style: Sand Regeneration)
Rank: "C", "B", "A"
Skill: Ninjutsu, Passive.
Effect: Allows the user to regenerate their form after having it broken and rearranged.
Special: ---
Drawback: Takes time depending on what needs to be repaired.
Description: Allows the user the knowledge of repairing their Sand form after being hit or having it disrupted by something, including their own will. User simply uses sand around them or sand from their old body part and recycles it to re-grow their lost limb or body part. Depending on the Rank of the technique, depends on how fast the user can regenerate.

"C" Rank takes one full post (6 seconds)
"B" Rank takes half a turn (3 seconds)
"A" Rank is instantaneous.

Limit: Must be Sadojin.
[/ul]

[奥田 (Okuda)]

If you have a Bloodline, you may only start with three (3) techniques, excluding your freebies which can only be releases, stances or perceptions, if I am correct on the freebies bit.

[Pere Sabaku]

better?

[奥田 (Okuda)]

I would place the overviews of your items in instead of just their name and that you move the cloak to non-weapon items, as it isn't a weapon.

[Rokudaime Mamimi]

Also, in having a bloodline, you must have 5 paragraphs in your personality and appearance to match the 4-5 paragraph limit for your background.

In your specials area you list what specialty you are going to be such as: Ninjutsu Master (Taijutsu, or Genjutsu as well) Or Ninjutsu/Taijutsu specialist (As well as any combination mixture Genjutsu and Clan Specialist too)

If you wish to be a medic please refer to the indexes ^^

I hope this help and remember there are plenty of helping hands around the site.

[Pere Sabaku]

mk, thanks

[— Kyo]

Make sure you actually quote/copy and paste the actual overview to your items like "Longsword" or "Cloak Type 3"

[奥田 (Okuda)]

you can't be a Ninjutsu Master and Specialist anything, its either Mastery or two specialists, so please change that.

[— Kyo]

He doesn't need to change that. It's part of the template.

[JiMmIyZ]

ONly thing I see wrong is that your releases aren't listed anywhere on the page. List them and I'll give you 1/3

[Rokudaime Mamimi]

You have Sand Release and Raiton release listed.

This is an issue, yes you may start with sand, but you MUST also start with Fuuton and Doton Release first in order to start with sand release

You have also deleted the multi rank levels off all of your starting techniques, the techniques must be copied in their full form with nothing deleted hun ^^

[Pere Sabaku]

Alright, I'll fix that.

[Umehara]

Secondary Items

New Characters start off with a Slot Holding Item that equals 15 slots. These items are:

Cloak Type 3 (Overview)
Tactical Vest Type 2 (Overview)
Chest Rig Type 1 (Overview)
Utility Belt Type 2 (Overview)
Butt Bag Type 1 (Overview)
Backpack Quiver (Small) (Overview)
Shoulder Quiver (Small) (Overview)
Hip Quiver (Small) (Overview)

Robe Type 3 is not one of the choices of apparel items that you can start with. You'll have to change that to one of the ones listed and provide the overview with it.

[Pere Sabaku]

Okay, I fixed that too. Copied and pasted the wrong thing

[Umehara]

Still need to bold/underline the rank of the jutsu that you currently know. So if the ranks of the jutsu are C, B, A, S.....you need to bold/underline that you know the C Version, or the C & B version, so on and so forth.

You also have 4 releases. As you can only start with 3 Freebies (In this case, releases), you'll have to remove one. If you want Sand, I'd keep Earth and Wind while getting rid of Lightning.

[Pere Sabaku]

Okay, anything else?

[Umehara]

You can only start off with techniques that are C-Rank and below. So you'll need to remove the B-Ranks and choose other jutsu instead.

[Pere Sabaku]

okay