Ronin Tenshu

[Deleted]

Alright where to start... for starters all new characters are a D class Genin.

You seem to have copy and pasted the template and left parts of the instructions in your bio.

Under special you need to put your specialist choices... IE: Ninjutsu/Taijutsu specialists.

There is not an animal curse mark I am aware of that turns you into an animal

Primary equipment needs to be listed by index which you can find in the index section

Same with secondaries. You can't just post "senbon." We need how many, and the item index.

Apparel needs to be chosen from the apparel index.

Personality, Appearance and background need to be at least 3 paragraphs long each.

Techniques need to be chosen from the selected indexes not simply made up.

You have 10 freebies you need to use.

Please message me when the above is corrected.

~cheers.

[Deleted]

Aight you seemed to have removed specialties all together. You need to pick two specialties or one master w/one non spec. Please consult the handbook if you don't know what those are.

We currently do not have customs opened. Meaning that the sword techniques you made up are not going to get approved. We have like 10 sword styles on site each with dozens of techniques. Please chose from one of them if you wish to do that.

Senbon by nature are not poisonous. We have posions on site that you could check out. But you can't just own posion weapons.

Your weapons need to include the index. If something is a short sword please go to the indexes, go to weapons, find short sword and post the overview.

The shadow clone technique cannot be learned by new characters at creation. It must be obtained from one of the Kages of a hidden village or one of the village scrolls need to be stolen from the village.

As for your bios back story the information is great. But you can't pass in that format. Your background, personality, and appearance need to be Three paragraphs each. So please break down those text walls into paragraphs.

[Deleted]

We're getting there!

Alright as a D class, non blood limit, new ninja you get 150 training points or TP to spend on your techniques. E rank techs cost 5tp D cost 10 C ranks cost 30 and B ranks are 80.

You can only learn up to B ranks as a D class.

You also get 10 freebies.

Half pouches are a thing but they need to be attached to something that can hold it. I.e. A utility belt or the like. Once again please post those idexes

[Deleted]

Your freebies are very important and give your character some chance to get traits that reflect your back story or give you useful bonuses. They can be found in the professions index under skills

[Ronin Tenshu]

Deal! I'll lower the techniques and add a utility belt.

[Deleted]

For those techs that have multiple ranks on them. Please designate which level you are learning. Keep in mind you need learn the d rank version before the c rank version.

[Ronin Tenshu]

Ok I believe that meets all the requirements. I'm gonna play it out that half the jutsu he knows can't be utilized right now bc of his missing arm. you'll enjoy my plot twist and story depth... finished? May I begin my post?

[Deleted]

You have far beyond your allowed starting techniques. You have not picked out 10 freebies

[Ronin Tenshu]

So just shorten the jutsu list? Or where are my 10 freebies?

[Deleted]

You are allowed 150 Training points worth of Jutsu.

E rank techs and Jutsu take 5
D ranks take 10
C take 30
B take 80

You can find your freebies in the traits index under the skills index.

[Deleted]

I am not sure why you just repasted the whole bio...

No. You still haven't fixed anything I asked you to do from the last post.

[Deleted]

Working from the top

Remove these:
Kenjutsu specialist
Wakizashi specialist

Character depth

A good paragraph is considered 5-6 lines. your first paragraph in personality needs some work. Your last two paragraphs in appearance need some girth too.

Items:

You removed the price from senbon please add that back.

Techniques.

if you look at the bottom of some of your techs that you picked you will notice they say things like:  "Limit: Wakizashi Kagame Style “D” Rank training"


That means you need to know the tech in question before you can learn the other techs. Taijutsu is unique in that you need to learn all the basic stances of the tech before you start learning the combat techs. 

[Deleted]

Character depth.

All your paragraphs need to be 5-6 lines each for your bio. You have not changed your personality and appearance like I asked.

Techniques:

You have removed to many techs. You have used 140/150 tp. Please add 10 more tp.

Finally having TWO bio posts on your bio is just confusing. Please find some way to remove or void one of them.

[Deleted]

At work. Will do later

[Ronin Tenshu]

Ok

[Deleted]

Yeah those paragraphs for your Appearance, back ground, personality need to be  at least 5-6 lines each.

[Ronin Tenshu]

I'll work on background. It's gonna be difficult putting his background in 3 5 simple sentences. But count the sentences in personality and appearance. They are both 3 5 simple sentences. 3 paragraphs, 15 sentences. I made sure of it.

[Deleted]

Oh no man! I didn't mean to cut down your bio. It can be as LONG as you want...

I
Meant
You
needed
5-6
lines.


^

Like that. At least 5-6 lines.

[Ronin Tenshu]

Did I do it right? So confusing

[Deleted]

No dude

Please type out a paragraph that is 5-6 lines long.

Shiki resembles his mother. At least that's what people say; He's never met her before. His slightly warmer skin was a shade darker then his fathers who was obnoxiously pale. His fathers white hair that Shiki inherited is kept cut in a short cropped fashion. Shiki's eyes belonged to his grandfather. Bright, wide and a deep sapphire that were contrasted against the electric green eyes of his father. Shiki has one long thin scar running from his jaw down the side of his neck from playing with one of his fathers inventions in his workshop. When not dressing for a mission Shiki always dresses up for fear of being considered unsightly. While some people would use the word vain to describe Shiki he is very conscious about his good looks. He keeps his hair cropped and short, buzzed on the sides with a hard part to give a professional, military look. During a fight with a bandersnatch Shiki was mortally wounded left with a massive scar over his left eye and three long massive claw marks across his torso.


Here is a paragraph form my bio.